Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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