If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
