There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
