Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
