hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize