when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
