Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
This is the high leading the old right now
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
