Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
