Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
