no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
smell my finger.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
