we're chasing vodka with high fives
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
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