I must be too annoying 4 u.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
