She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
