If i come over, it means nothing
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Randomize
