You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
