Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Randomize
