im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
