You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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