Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Randomize
