This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
