I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
they need to just BURY HIM!
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
