Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
