I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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