I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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