my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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