i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
