I seem to have left my pride at pride
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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