We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
