my mouth tastes like poor choices
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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