Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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