can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
