thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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