I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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