I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
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It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
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Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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