I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Randomize
