Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
