i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
