well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
