I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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