I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I'm sobbing to NWA
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
