grandma shit on top of the toilet
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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