All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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