i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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