just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
