He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
