Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
