We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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