Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
