Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize