Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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