I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
