TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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