yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
