What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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