Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
