Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
