last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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