His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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