If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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