she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
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