I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Randomize
