I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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