I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
