Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
whose parrot is this?
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
