it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
