just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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