You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
