I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
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