She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
