Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
