Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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