I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
