ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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