Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
