peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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