So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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